"You're Asking If It's Okay to Hook Up Online During the Work Day? Are You Kidding Me? - 8/9/17 Edition
Stephen Says Column
Dear Stephen:
I work in a sales office, and I am mostly in the field making sales calls. I am a single guy in my 30’s and, well, I’ll just say it: I am looking for Mr. Right. I have many friends, both straight and gay, who are constantly looking to meet their certain someone online. J-Date, Christian Mingle, Tinder, Grindr, Scruff, and even Farmers Only are all very popular in my friend group.
I must admit, I have my app of choice open a lot. I’m more addicted to these dating apps than my Mom is to Candy Crush, and believe me, if you were friends with her on Facebook you’d understand the extent of that addiction.
For those of your readers who do not know, most of these apps now work based on location and can connect me with people in my surrounding area, wherever I may be. Since I am in outside sales, I am always on the move, and I cannot help but be constantly checking who pops up in different places.
Whether I find someone I want to date, hook up with, or even just get a drink as friends, these apps make going out on a sales call a new adventure every time. And yet, there is no pure good in the world.
Recently, I was doing a lunch and learn at a design firm and one of the VPs from the firm messaged me on an app while we were in a meeting! I didn’t know whether he knew it was me, or if my profile had just happened to show up. Either way, I wasn’t sure what to do because I wasn’t particularly attracted to him, but I didn’t want to risk losing the sale by rejecting him.
I guess my question is what is the protocol today? This is all so new. Men and women can meet people in the same company or at vendors. I am so anxious for the day that I see a coworker show up on my app. A couple of times, I have seen my boss notice when I’m on my app and give me a look. It’s my phone, though, and whether or not I embarrass myself is none of his business, right?
My Phone Isn’t the Only Thing That’s Turned On
Dear Turned On:
Wrong! Usually it is your boss’s phone, and even if it is your phone, during the work day, it is certainly your boss’s time! What’s wrong with you? Why would you even want to share that story?
If you want to hook up online with anonymous strangers be my guest, but do it on your own time and your own dime. If I am paying for an employee’s smartphone or computer, I do not want them using it to flirt!
More to the point is how do you get any work done? All day long you are roaming the town looking for Mr. Right--or Mr. Right now--instead of focusing on your sales goals. I feel like I need some hand sanitizer just typing this to you!
Even if you’re an excellent salesperson and exceeding all of your goals, you offered--unprompted--an example of an extremely good reason to stay off this stuff at work. What did you end up doing with that VP, by the way?
I’m willing to bet anything you rejected him and put the sale in jeopardy. He didn’t have the gym body you wanted? Now don’t get me wrong, lord knows I think that anyone should be able to choose to date whomever they want to, but my point is that you never should have even been in the position to have to make that choice! You put yourself in that terrible position, and your company might have suffered for it.
You’re just asking for trouble by trolling for whatever during the workday!
I get how these apps work, and I realize that more than 50% of marriages today are a result of online dating services. Again, I do not begrudge you the desire or chance to search for a perfect mate, but do it on your own time! This is the definition of dealing with inappropriate personal matters at work. Your grimy sleuthing should not be happening during the work day.
This is not a moral issue, either.
Whether you’re on a “dating” site like OkCupid or a… different type of site like Grindr or Tinder is besides the point. Your boss is paying for you to work, not look for Mr. Right.
There was a time in the workplace, when people would say they knew how to work smart, meaning they got things done in extra time, always met their goals, and put in relatively little work. But because everything was working out the boss would look the other way and didn’t care where these employees were all day. You have taken this style to a new height. I think you are rubbing this in your boss’s face and I bet it won’t work out too well for you in the long run. In fact, my guess is that you even wrote your letter to me during work hours.
Get off the app and back to work and consider a cold shower in between!
Stephen
You can send your workplace questions to Stephen at: StephenSays@below.press.
Questions selected to be answered, will appear in this column. Please use the Subject: Stephen Says for all emails. Stephen Viscusi is a bestselling author, television personality, and CEO of The Viscusi Group, global executive recruiters located in New York. Follow Stephen on Twitter @WorkplaceGuru, Like Stephen on Facebook; and follow him on LinkedIn.
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