"My Husband is Unemployed and I'm Beginning to Resent it"
The Business of Furniture - 5/7/17 Edition
Stephen Says Column

 Dear Stephen:

 I am a senior designer for a major commercial interiors firm. It has been 18 months since my husband lost his sales job, and he is still unemployed. He really is trying — lots of resumes go out, hardly any interviews come in. I feel bad for him, and I can tell he is getting discouraged, depressed and embarrassed. Anyone can lose a job, but not many 40-year-olds are unemployed for this long today.
 
 I am one of the most senior women in our firm. I make a good enough income for us to live comfortably. I loved my job for so long, but that’s starting to change. Nothing really happened, but I have started to feel antsy and ready to move on. I’m trapped though. Because my husband isn’t working, I feel pressure to stay and provide. In fact, I am hesitant to even start looking. My company does not take kindly to employees interviewing with competitors — especially at my level. If they were to find out I was interviewing, I am sure I would lose my job. Heck, I have fired people here for less.
 
 I am writing because I am beginning to resent my husband’s unemployment and don’t know what to do. I know he’s trying, but I wish he were trying harder, I guess. I try to be nice, but I think the resentment boils over sometimes. So now I have pressure at work and pressure at home.
 
 I have been writing this letter in my head for a while, and it just feels good to get it out. I’m hoping you have some advice to offer me.
 
 Between a Job and a Hard Place
 

 Dear Between a Job and a Hard Place,

 
 I am neither a therapist nor a marriage counselor (thank God), but from the perspective of a career coach, the solution is simple. You don’t want to risk losing your job if you need to support your family, so you have to light a fire under your husband.
 
 The truth is 18 months is too long to be unemployed in today’s robust economy. He should be able to find something. 
 I don’t know why he has struggled so much — it could be his resume, maybe he’s over- or under-qualified for the positions to which he is applying, or maybe he is just a lousy interviewee. No matter the cause, the solution is his getting a temp position while he continues to look for something more stable. Most temp positions can eventually lead to permanent positions, but even if the full-time role doesn’t come to fruition, your husband will have plenty of time to keep sending out resumes.
 Perhaps the most important thing a temp position will do is get your husband out of the house. At the risk of straying
 
 slightly into shrink territory, I have seen time again how any sort of work can improve a candidate’s attitude and confidence. And that will make you feel better.
 People who have been out of work for as long as your husband start to think it is never going to happen for them. They become diffident and distant. They fall into a pattern of staying home, picking lint out of their navels, browsing the internet endlessly, confusing internet surfing for job searching (check out his Facebook — I bet he’s been posting non-stop), dissimulating when confronted and wallowing in their own self-pity. Getting a temp position will get him out and among the employed. It will motivate him and begin to alleviate some of the pressure at home.
 Regardless of how much (or little) he’ll earn, your husband will have a reason to get up in the morning, get dressed and go to a job, just like you. It won’t solve your issues, but it’s a start. The road to a new job for him is the same as the road to a new job for you.
 Now that you are no longer content with him just sitting around, invest in his job hunt by getting him to take a temp position. Hopefully that will make him less depressed and make you less stressed. Sooner or later, he will land a new job and then the world will be yours to explore.
 
 Stephen
 
 You can send your workplace questions to Stephen at: StephenSays@bellow.press
 
 Questions selected to be answered, will appear in this column. Please use the Subject: Stephen Says for all emails. Stephen Viscusi is a bestselling author, television personality, and CEO of The Viscusi Group, global executive recruiters located in New York. Follow Stephen on Twitter @WorkplaceGuru, Like Stephen on Facebook; and follow him on LinkedIn.