"Conundrum: What If You Received This Email?"
The Business of Furniture - 15/2/17 Edition
Stephen Says Column




Dear Stephen,

I just received this email from a friend after sending a happy birthday note to him. Instead of a thank-you, here's what I got:

Subject: Re: Conundrum

I apologize for this automatic reply to your email.

To control spam, I now allow incoming messages only from senders I have approved beforehand.

If you would like to be added to my list of approved senders, please fill out the short request form (see link below). Once I approve you, I will receive your original message in my inbox. You do not need to resend your message. I apologize for this one-time inconvenience.

Click the link below to fill out the request.

This friend is someone I met through work and have known for years. He's a nice guy and hardworking, but this email really irritated me, so much so, that I wanted to send it to you for your thoughts. None of us like junk mail, but it's not like this guy has some sort of high-pressure, public job where he's receiving hundreds of emails a day. I guess it struck a nerve that this guy thinks he's so important and his time is so valuable that he would actually ask me to take my own time to fill out some form for his approval.

It seems nuts to me that he would risk offending clients, colleagues, friends and relatives with this garbage. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I'm thinking of calling him and sharing my thoughts. What do you think and how would you respond? I think I'll end up just not replying and not write this guy anymore emails. Phone calls from now on. And this all started with a happy birthday message!

Whose Conundrum?
 

Dear Conundrum,

I've seen this sort of self-controlled spam filter a few times over the last couple of months, and I'll admit it's getting on my nerves a bit, too. I'm not ready to start screaming into phones like it seems you're eager to do, but it certainly doesn't make me feel good about those relationships. When push comes to shove though, I usually find myself taking the three minutes necessary to fill out the form and moving on with my life, especially if the person is an important contact for me.

I know that I used to get about 40 emails a day
from a certain online retailer; it took me months to unsubscribe.
You can't unsubscribe from friends sending you terrible email threads
they think are hilarious.


Ultimately, I don't think it is that big of a deal. You're right that it can feel like it is though. Especially for people who have a big ego (not that this is a bad thing, you need an ego to be successful), it's all too easy to let this type of message be a slap in the face — an unequivocal statement that their time is more important than yours. I get it. We all like to pretend we're all that and don't have a minute to fill out a stupid form. At some point, though, it's worth swallowing your pride and just saying whatever.

Fill out the form if this person is someone you want to or need to continue talking to. It's really that simple. To me, not filling out the form is the same as unfriending someone on Facebook. They never really know, but eventually they might figure it out. Think of your decision the same way. Frankly, it sounds like you have more of a problem with this guy than with his form. Not to psychoanalyze you, but if I were your marriage counselor, I would say this relationship had more holes than a leaky ship.

On the other hand, if you or any of my readers are thinking about making one of these filters, consider the collateral damage. Is your spam really messing with you that much? If so, maybe you should stop giving out your email to all the companies that you buy weird stuff from online.

I know that I used to get about 40 emails a day from a certain online retailer; it took me months to unsubscribe. You can't unsubscribe from friends sending you terrible email threads they think are hilarious. If having this sort of filter makes you that much more productive, by all means, use it. Just understand you might be making some enemies. If you're as big a deal as you might think you are, you won't have to worry too much about losing contacts and friends. If you're not quite as hot as you think you are, that email filter might mean you no longer get any emails. Is it worth the risk? Depends how big your ego is.

Stephen
 

You can send your workplace questions to Stephen at: StephenSays@bellow.press
Questions selected to be answered, will appear in this column. Please use the Subject: Stephen Says for all emails.
Stephen Viscusi is a bestselling author, television personality, and CEO of The Viscusi Group,
global executive recruiters located in New York. Follow Stephen on Twitter @WorkplaceGuru, Like Stephen on Facebook; and follow him on LinkedIn.