“How to Lose a Job in Ten Days”
The Business of Furniture - 7/6/16 Edition
Stephen Says Column
Dear Stephen,
I accidentally sent an inappropriate e-mail to my boss at work. Here's what happened: My boss's name is Susan. Unfortunately, my ex-fiancee's name is Susan, too. Susan (my former fiance, not my current boss) and I recently broke off our engagement. We still speak quite often, and, to be perfectly honest, I've been trying to win her back. The other night after a few glasses of wine, I decided to e-mail Susan (again, my former fiance, not my current boss). I sent her a picture along with a seductive message.
My modus operandi is to send these sorts of e-mails quickly, before I lose my nerve. As I'm sure you might have guessed already, the e-mail went to the wrong Susan (my current boss, not my ex-fiance). To make matters worse, I only realized my error when I asked my ex-fiancee why she hadn't responded to my risque message, and she told me she never got it. This was three days after I had sent the e-mail — three workdays full of interactions with my boss. When I looked in the sent folder on my e-mail, my heart jumped so far up my throat, I thought I was going to throw it up.
I work for a major manufacturer, and we have a Code of Ethics and Conduct I signed as a condition of my employment. My boss has not said a thing, but I know she must have seen it. I have a good relationship with her, but my review is coming up, and I had been planning to ask for a raise. Now I'm worried she might fire me. My boss is pretty straight-laced, and what I wrote and sent was toeing the line of what should be sent in an e-mail, even assuming it ended up in my ex-fiancee's inbox. Do I just clear the air with my boss, apologize and plead for mercy? Or do I pray it went to her junk folder and pretend like nothing happened? If she brings it up, can I say I was hacked? Any suggestions?
- A Living Sitcom
Dear A Living Sitcom,
When I am coaching managers at sales retreats for my corporate clients, I make sure to tell everyone at every level that when and if you feel you've had one cocktail too many, be sure to lock your phone and computer.
This is generally a good rule for personal matters, but it is essential for work devices. Here is my rule of thumb. If you're too drunk to drive, you're too drunk to send emails and texts. Alcohol and e-mails do not mix well. When you write e-mails drunk, you are all but guaranteed to embarrass yourself. There are three major pitfalls:
- You write an e-mail so full of gibberish and consonant strings the only message you convey is that by the time the recipient reads the message you will likely be hugging a toilet.
- If you're coherent enough to type proper words, chances are what you want to say is something you'll regret writing when you're sober — there's a reason you needed five shots before writing the email in the first place.
- When drunk, humans tend to not care about details like "Is the Susan that Google thinks I want this e-mail to actually the Susan that I want to send this e-mail to?" It sounds like you might have avoided the first and second dangers (although, who's to say), but that third sand trap got you good.
Joking aside, this type of thing can cost people their jobs or worse. I understand your company has a Code of Ethics and Conduct agreement, and this is standard operating practice for most companies today. Without question, your e-mail violated this agreement and depending on how your company's code is constructed, your boss might be required to report the e-mail to HR. Additionally, if she really wanted to, she might be able to report you to the police for harassment and indecent exposure. I don't mean to make you worry more, but I'd be remiss if I didn't express the seriousness of this type of stupidity. Common sense tells you not to dial drunk, text drunk or e-mail drunk — listen to common sense.
You don't have any choice but to come clean. Based on how long it's been, chances are your boss saw the e-mail, figured it was sent to her by mistake and doesn't want to embarrass you. Still, for all you know, the e-mail is with HR, and they're trying to figure out the best way to deal with the situation. No one will believe for a minute you were hacked. The best way to deal with this is to apologize at once and in person. Explain you recognize even writing the e-mail to your ex, let alone sending it carelessly to the wrong person, was poor judgment on your part. Tell her you will be sure to pay extra attention to all work emails in the future.
You need to recognize that beyond sending your boss an inappropriate email, you showed her you're a potential liability for your employer. What if the e-mail had gone to a client? Don't just excuse the e-mail, make sure she understands you know you put the company at risk. Be remorseful and authentic and let her know you know an apology doesn't cut it. Your value to the company will likely determine her response: If you're replaceable, you may be out of a job, but I don't see a better choice for you. There really is no excuse for what you did and no fancy industry term for what happened. The Stephen Viscusi term is: You were an idiot. If you worked for me, I would probably fire you. If I were your ex-fiance, I would be so happy we broke up. Glad you asked me?
Stephen
You can send your workplace questions to Stephen at: StephenSays@bellow.press
Questions selected to be answered, will appear in this column. Please use the Subject: Stephen Says for all emails.
Stephen Viscusi is a bestselling author, television personality, and CEO of The Viscusi Group,
global executive recruiters located in New York.
Follow Stephen on Twitter @stephenviscusi, Like Stephen on Facebook; and follow him on LinkedIn.
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