"Swallowing my Tongue and a McFlurry" - The Business of Furniture 5/11/16 - Stephen Says






Dear Stephen:

I was having lunch in a company lunch room, sitting around with a couple of my co-workers eating takeout (we're a medium to large architectural firm, in a major metropolitan area, I've been here six years in the interiors department). We all had our phones out, like millennials do. Some of us were playing games, some of us were texting friends, etc. My boss came by and saw that I was on Grindr (if you don't know what that is, it's a gay...let me be classy...dating app equivalent to Tinder). My friend Sarah had her iPhone just sitting open on the table, and amongst her many apps is an app with the glaring golden arches and red background of McDonald's. My boss saw that we were all doing different things on our phones, including clearly seeing my Grindr app, but with all the action happening around him, he only picked up on this Mickey-D's app. He began McDonald's-shaming her, really mocking her. To make matters worse, Sarah is a little overweight, and my boss LIV IES at the gym. My boss didn't say anything about what anyone else was doing (he didn't even comment on my very NSFW activity). He singled Sarah out and made fun of her mercilessly. I felt like we were in High School. She turned as red as the background of the app, and I felt terribly for her. Should I say something to my boss? I really like my boss, but now this thing has made me look at him in a different light. Sarah seems to be fine, but I'm still obsessing over it. Is it just me? Am I overthinking this? The whole lunch experience left a bad taste in my mouth. What should I do?

~ Swallowing my Tongue and a McFlurry
 

Dear Swallowing my Tongue and a McFlurry,

Wow...I guess you're not 'lovin' it.' It's interesting how one action by a boss or coworker can change our feelings about them. It's usually something seemingly trivial, but it influences our opinion and often makes it uncomfortable for us. When I was working at a major manufacturer, I once had a boss that insisted that just the two of us go to a fancy lunch once a week at a big restaurant in New York. He would then make me put it on my company expense account, which he would sign off on. These weren't cheap lunches either. My company, of course, thought I was with a client, and my boss was legitimizing it by signing off on it, perpetuating the lie. These outings were great at first, but eventually started to make me really uncomfortable. My boss was making me steal from the company. Granted, these situations are a bit different: I was benefiting from my boss being a jerk, whereas your friend Sarah was punished and embarrassed; my boss was breaking laws and endangering both of our jobs, your boss isn't breaking any rules other than those that govern basic decency. Still, when we learn certain things about who our bosses are, it's hard to think of them the same way.

Now, Mickey-D's shaming. That's a new one. Any kind of shaming, which is really just bullying, is wrong in the office. For a boss to treat an employee that way is inexcusable. Shame on your boss; he should know better. I will say that there are these people who are very weight conscious, and it seems to be very in fashion today to say you hate fast-food chains, so perhaps the jab at your friend was a lame attempt at fitting in. Either way, he was dead wrong to do it. Ultimately though, I don't think this is the hill to die on. If your friend's feelings were hurt, make her feel better, but it's not worth discussing it with your boss, and if you really respect your boss and he's good at his job, please try to let it go. Your story reminds me of "The Devil Wears Prada," where the boss was both extremely demanding and judgmental, but a brilliant and insightful leader that inspired her workers. It sounds like your boss had an off day. And if that's what he really feels, going into his office and yelling at him won't make you feel any better and it probably won't change his mind either. Learn how to pick your battles. Worrying about your friend's app for Big Macs shouldn't be one of them, especially if she's moved on.

If you take anything away from this story, let it be that the apps you display on your phone can reflect who you are as a person and people will judge you for them. With today's cellphones getting as large as a Donald Trump's ego, it's much easier for other people to see what is happening on your screen. People have told me stories about candidates going on their phones in waiting rooms before a job interview, and before they know it the HR person is looking over their shoulder at all their apps. To protect yourself, go and buy a privacy screen. They are sold as an accessory to most smartphones and are fairly cheap. You should also make sure that your screen locks after a certain period of inactivity, keep your apps in subfolders, and password-protect your phone. And for godsakes, do not go on your phone when waiting to be interviewed for a new job!

~ Stephen

BoF
 

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Stephen Viscusi is a bestselling author, television personality, and CEO of The Viscusi Group,
global executive recruiters located in New York.
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