"Holiday Party Etiquette for 2019: Just Show Up!" - 12/11/19 Edition
Stephen Says Column




Dear Stephen:

It's that time of year when my company will be having its annual holiday party. I have read past columns from you and other media outlets warning employees not to drink too much or act stupid. All of it seems to be pretty common sense advice. The new thing this year seems to be not to dress inappropriately. Easy stuff like women shouldn't show a ton of cleavage or have a super short skirt. I'm also hearing stuff like "don't overtalk or over-share." Do you really think this is something people need to be told today? I just read an article that told me not to flirt with my boss's wife. Really? This is still an office function, you would think people would know this stuff.

My question is none of the above. I work out of a local New Jersey office with several outside reps, and a couple of people who handle inside showroom sales. We see each other at meetings but do not spend much actual time with one another. I know my co-workers and certainly have some kind of professional bond with them. However, I have never had any real desire to interact socially with any of them.

I think I take for granted I am a sociable person, and I generally can carry myself well at parties. I just simply do not want to go. It always feels like an awkward and annoying formalized meeting with colleagues I see once a month and their spouses whom I simply have nothing in common with. I've casually brought the party up to my boss several times over the years, and he seems to think it is some kind of obligation he must fulfill. People actually get excited about the party. I just don't see the appeal.

Bottom line, in my 12 years at this company I have never missed the holiday party but the longer I stick with this job, the less I want to go. Do you think I can skip this year's party without looking like the office Grinch? What will my boss think? I could make up an excuse, but it will be a lie. I like my boss and love my job. I just don't want to attend the party. What should I do?

Signed,

To Go or Not Go?
 

Dear Undecided: GO!

If it were me, you better bet I would be going.

As a boss myself, I can safely say if I spend time and effort setting up this party and you don't show up, I will be offended. It's really a no brainer. Your boss is trying to show his appreciation for you and your co-workers by hosting something he feels is an important yearly tradition. To not show up is frankly a personal rebuff of both him and your colleagues. I think it would be a very rude move.

Taking what I think is the obvious out of the equation, invariably, socializing with your boss and colleagues should always have a positive outcome. It gives them a chance to see you as an individual in a non work atmosphere. You don't always need to separate your work and personal life. Maybe share a story about your family or the holiday season. It may break down some of the barriers of the work environment and create a fuller, more three-dimensional relationship. And it's the one time of year employees' spouses can actually meet the people they hear about every night when their partner comes home from work. No matter what you do, it will help you to get to know one another and increase your total harmony as a working group.

Sometimes we forget that no matter how good we are at our jobs or how high our sales are, if the boss doesn't like you, you are still the first on the chopping block.

Let's take things one step further. Never be the first to leave the party. Just showing your face for a half an hour is not enough. You need to make an investment in being there and engage with others. It seems you have read my previous columns about making a fool out of yourself by getting too drunk or talking politics. There are, however, other ways to look like a fool you may not have considered. It is not always about being too boisterous or outlandish. Sometimes the quiet guy standing in the corner is just as off-putting as the drunk guy tearing up the dance floor. You don't need to be the life of the party but if you walk in with a negative outlook and attitude, people will notice it. Act like you are enjoying yourself and want to be there. Think of it as dinner with your mother-in-law. Will it be the greatest of pleasures? Maybe not, but you still need to go and put on a happy face.

Frankly, this is one of the dumbest questions I've seen in awhile. I almost considered not answering it and letting you eventually get fired. At the end of the day, the work world comes down to simple and intangible factors of human chemistry. If you don't get along, then get out the door. It is really that simple. Not showing up the holiday party is an insult to your boss and coworkers. It ensures you get put on the naughty list for 2020. Do yourself a favor and just smile and drink the Kool-Aid (eggnog)!

Signed,

Stephen
 

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Stephen Viscusi is a bestselling author, television personality, and CEO of The Viscusi Group,
global executive recruiters located in New York.
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