"Porn Has No Place in the Workplace" - 03/13/19 Edition
Stephen Says Column
Dear Stephen:
I work near a colleague in my office connected via a benching system our company manufactures. The two of us have had drinks on multiple occasions, we are both unmarried, in our late 20s and started here at the same time. I consider her a work friend. “Here” in this case is a major midwest manufacturer. We work in marketing and product development. I am kind of red-faced writing this, but here it goes.
My “friend” told me she loves pornography and watches it nonstop when she is at home. This woman has a boyfriend. I guess this is just her “thing.”
I was told this because I noticed at work more than once that she was visiting Pornhub at her desk.
Sometimes even with her Ear Pods in! So far, I do not think anyone else has noticed, but I sure do. My friend is productive at work. I guess she is a good multitasker. She is doing her work at the same time and curving her phone around at these weird angles to see what she wants to see, while trying to be sure no one else sees it, too. She even told me she does the same thing in the lady’s room in the stall. Like I said, I don’t think anyone else in the office knows, but around me, she discusses it like this is totally normal.
At first, I thought it was unusual, then I thought she was kidding. Now, I know she is not kidding, and I think it is gross. Everyone knows we are close at work, sooner or later I will not be the only one who sees this. Sometimes her office phone rings, and she has to put down her smartphone. I’m sure that at some point she will be caught. Many of our co-workers are older than us, and I know will feel uncomfortable and report her to our boss or HR. Mostly I’m afraid of somehow being guilty by association. How do I handle it with my co-worker and friend, without affecting our friendship?
Signed,
Red-Faced Prude
Dear Prude,
First let me say to one part of your question: Liking or disliking pornography — especially watching it a work — is not an old or young thing. It just has no place in the workplace, period.
Early on in the days of internet porn, this was actually a more common problem than you would think. I suppose when the floodgates of the internet opened, many people simply couldn’t control themselves. In my experience, this problem has mostly been weeded out either through better self control on the part of employees or better corporate firewalls on the part of the company. It’s a zero-tolerance issue on workplace computers, and they will almost certainly track this activity. I understand that your friend uses her personal cell phone but the fact remains she is on work time, and in the office, the same protocol applies.
It’s simply wrong, and you should tell her. I am a workplace advice columnist and career expert, not a personal relationship expert. I can’t say how exactly to deal with the friendship. Staying in my lane though, I can say assuredly there is very little wiggle room here. Man or woman; old or young, work is work. Believe it or not, I have seen several versions of your same letter so apparently this is more common than one would think. I have heard it from men and women of all sexual identities, preferences and ages. Porn at work isn’t the problem that it used to be, but it is certainly a real phenomenon.
Even more than actual porn, the next generation of horny time at work seems to be dating or “hook-up” apps. I see them everywhere, even in my own offices. Everyone seems to be fiddling with Tinder and its cohorts these days, even the married ones! This is work folks, cut it out.
Of course, every company has its own code of ethics but I can tell you, no company I am aware of has one that encourages an employee to watch porn while multitasking. Frankly, I think it is just hogwash your colleague can be doing such a great job day to day as you suggest. I know how distracting porn can be. The only reason to even consider it at work is if you are psychologically damaged or just completely bored with your job. Even going to the bathroom to conduct your own personal business quickly would be one thing. To brazenly watch porn at your desk is a whole new level of distraction and disrespect.
So, to answer your question: The next time you catch her in the act of watching that $#I!% on her phone, tell her then and there to knock it off. Just be honest and say you find it distracting or even offensive. Explain to her what she does on her own time is her business, but to leave the porno at the door. You do not need to be a supervisor to explain this. It may even be better if she is confronted by a friend before being confronted by a boss. Let the friendship end up where it may. Do not get dragged into anyone distracted from work no matter what the issue. Go find another friend at work!
Best,
Stephen
You can send your workplace questions to Stephen at: StephenSays@bellow.press
Questions selected to be answered, will appear in this column. Please use the Subject: Stephen Says for all emails. Stephen Viscusi is a bestselling author, television personality, and CEO of The Viscusi Group, global executive recruiters located in New York. Follow Stephen on Twitter @stephenviscusi, Like Stephen on Facebook and follow him on LinkedIn.
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