"My Co-Worker Screams At His Wife on His Work Phone! No, I am Not Kidding."
The Business of Furniture - 8/2/17 Edition
Stephen Says Column
Dear Stephen:
I have this coworker who seems to be constantly arguing with his wife on the phone at work. Sometimes he’s on his cell phone, and other times he’s yelling into his office landline phone, but it seems like he’s equally comfortable either way.
It also isn’t a normal yelling fight.
Usually, I can hear her through the line screaming into the phone just as loudly and eventually he has a complete melt down- tears, sobbing, everything. If that’s not bad enough, sometimes he’ll have one of these meltdowns and then ten minutes later I’ll hear him call her back and beg for forgiveness. It really is quite pathetic. The crazy thing is that the whole office knows about all of this. He doesn’t try to hide it at all! He’ll take these calls in public spaces, even at lunch. There is just zero embarrassment about it. I don’t understand at all.
The really odd part of this whole situation is that no one at work knows him to be a hothead at all. He is always calm and nice.
Other than during one of these phone calls to his wife, I’ve never heard him raise his voice, but this relationship seems to open up a different side of him. I like him as a co-worker, but I have lost all respect for him at this point. He never even apologizes or acknowledges how strange his behavior is. This has all become normal for him. He looks like a fool, and I feel like our boss or someone should say something, but I don’t want to be that person. What should I do?
Old Office Yeller
Dear Old Yeller:
I have had two similar questions in the past month or so from “Ask Stephen” readers. At first, I thought it was just some bizarre coincidence, but now it seems like it might be a pattern, so it’s time to tackle it head on.
First, let me say I can tell you from all the different letters I get that everyone seems to feel quite comfortable arguing on the phone while at work today. This is odd. With all the texting that people do, you’d think they would be able to confine their marital acrimony and familial tiffs to messages, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. It’s not just sucker-boyfriends or hen-pecked husbands either, it’s jealous boyfriends calling their girlfriends to air grievances in the middle of the day, stilted wives complaining to their husbands about the long hours, and even parents furious with ungrateful children.
From what I hear, people are perfectly fine sharing the most secret details of their most personal relationships. And we do not just hear it at work. You can hear it at Starbuck’s, at the grocery store, or really anywhere where people have their phones. I live in New York City and even hear people have these phone brawls on speaker!
However, I draw the line at work. All of this is TMI for the office, people! Have some self-respect, but mostly have some courtesy for your co-workers! Yes, you! You know who you are. If I were a supervisor and I heard a conversation like those being described, not only would I speak to my employee, but I would get whoever they were yelling at on the phone too! If they decide to bring their argument into the office (even if it’s on the phone) and make it my business, then you better believe I’m going to handle it like it’s my business! I understand that might not be so simple for you if you aren’t a supervisor, but people need to learn that this is not acceptable! Take it outside, like you do your cigarette; no one wants to be around either of them!
For you, the best option might be approaching them as a friend and just letting them know that you and everyone else are listening. Everyone. See what they say. If they aren’t embarrassed or don’t see anything wrong with their behavior, then there might not be much you can do. But, I would seriously hope that most people who have a co-worker tell them that they’re embarrassing themselves would think twice about the way they’ve been conducting themselves in the office.
Maybe no one cares that much anymore. Sooner or later some of these people are going to end up as viral videos. If it gets to that point, it’s always an option. You have camera on your phone, maybe you should use it!
Stephen
You can send your workplace questions to Stephen at: StephenSays@bellow.press
Questions selected to be answered, will appear in this column. Please use the Subject: Stephen Says for all emails. Stephen Viscusi is a bestselling author, television personality, and CEO of The Viscusi Group, global executive recruiters located in New York. Follow Stephen on Twitter: @WorkplaceGuru. Like Stephen on Facebook; and follow him on LinkedIn.
The Viscusi Group