“Don't Hate Me 'Caouse I'm Beautiful”
The Business of Furniture - 8/10/16 Edition
Stephen Says Column








Dear Stephen,

Roger Ailes and Fox are nothing compared to what is going on in my company. I am a single woman working for a major dealer with a sleazy sales manager and a cliché dirty old man owner, who are both right out of central casting. Every woman who works here looks the same. They call us "Charlie's Angels" (on a million dollar trophy sales force. We are great at our jobs, and we make a lot of money because we work hard to build relationships with our clients and love what we do. I just sometimes feel cheap and wonder if people think I was hired because I am attractive, or worse, I wonder if they think I am sleeping with this middle aged, hair-dyeing creep with boobs almost as big as mine. I know this is not a problem just for women anymore. I have attractive gay friends who get hit on by their female bosses and I have lots of gay guy friends working in the A&D world. Tell me one of the gay Partners only promotes attractive gay guys to Studio Directors and that he treats them like pets. Obviously, all these firms pretend that they are equal opportunity employers. Nice to know. What a bunch of bull. I cannot say I feel pressured to have sex with anyone, I just feel like I am being shown off, expected to be friends with the boss, even socialize and act like an arm charm. My gay guy friends tell me they often feel like if they don't socialize with the gay managers it will affect their jobs, too. Here is the thing, we are all good employees (guy, straight whoever) and love our jobs, and it may sound boastful but I know my looks have helped me along the way. What's the saying? Don't hate the player, or hate the game? But when can I close the door on being the arm candy and just get ahead on my own?

- Too Pretty to Pretend I'm Not
 

Dear Too Pretty

I'd be careful when comparing your situation to the criminal behavior of Fox executives. There is a fine line between people hiring you just for your looks and being sexually harassed. There are all kinds of studies that tell us how taller, better looking people often get hired over others who are less attractive. It's a fact of life and of course it sucks for those of us, who will never be on the cover of a magazine. Believe me, I know the feeling. I work on TV and I once had a casting director tell me that my TV show was being picked up, but that I "did not have the face for Bravo network, but that I could expect to be on A&E, the home of Duck Dynasty." Nice right? That's a different subject for a different time though.
 

Just because you don't think it's sexual harassment, doesn't mean it isn't sexual harassment.

 
 
Listen, I don't mean to poo-poo how you're feeling at your job, and if your boss or even the company's owner is harassing you, report them at once. No one should have to put up with any unwanted sexual attention at all and your bosses clearly need to learn that lesson. I understand that you might feel like you were only hired because of your looks (and who knows, maybe you were), but it sounds like you're doing a pretty kick-ass job in your role either way. If nothing else, try to allow your success to be liberating. Honestly, though, I find it hard to feel too badly for a hot woman or man, who plays the "hot card"--gay or straight--and then decides that they feel objectified.

On the other hand, if you're uncomfortable at all or feel harassed, go talk to your boss. Set a meeting and have all your sales figures printed out. I promise they won't let you go for making this sort of complaint--especially if your numbers are good--the lawsuit and bad press wouldn't be worth it for them. Tell him that you feel like you're undervalued and shown off in ways that make you feel uncomfortable. For all you know, your boss will realize what a sleaze he is being and back off. Unfortunately, this is unlikely to happen.

As I see it, this is a countrywide and generational issue that's going to take a while to solve. The truth of the matter is that men--and women, although less so--in powerful positions often feel entitled to things to which they have no right. In your case, and so often in the workplace, the thing that men feel entitled to is women's bodies. I don't mean to go off on some hippie-dippy rant, but this is the truth: power goes to people's heads and to other places. The point is, while it's possible your boss will back off, both the history of men in power and the history of gender workplace dynamics allow us to assume that he won't just apologize and that will be the end of it all. Remember that 40 years ago in this country, the only women that men worked alongside were their secretaries, and they could tell them what to wear! This isn't an excuse though; there is no excuse for any boss to make any of their employees feel uncomfortable in the workplace. If your boss doesn't respond to your talk, report him to HR and let them handle the situation.

Now, for you bosses reading this and getting a little red-in-the-face because some of this sounds a bit too familiar. Cut it out. Where there's smoke there's fire. Just because you don't think it's sexual harassment, doesn't mean it isn't sexual harassment. If someone feels harassed...hey then well, that may be enough. You're not Roger Ailes. You can't pay for the types of attorneys that get sexual assaulters $60 million golden parachutes.

Stephen
 

You can send your workplace questions to Stephen at: StephenSays@bellow.press
Questions selected to be answered, will appear in this column. Please use the Subject: Stephen Says for all emails.
Stephen Viscusi is a bestselling author, television personality, and CEO of The Viscusi Group,
global executive recruiters located in New York.
Follow Stephen on Twitter @stephenviscusi, Like Stephen on Facebook; and follow him on LinkedIn.