"As the Heart Desires" - The Business of Furniture 2/17/16 - Stephen Says

 

 

Stephen Says


Note: Thank you for your overwhelming response to the Stephen Says column. We're getting a large number of questions from employees at Architectural & Design Firms, salespeople at dealers and manufacturers, and even HR people.

We're doing our best to answer as many questions as we can, so please be patient for your answers, and thank you for your many, many questions! - Stephen
 

Dear Stephen,

As the Heart Decides:

I am a young guy (33), and a sales rep at a major manufacture. Six months ago I started dating one of the sales people at one of the three big dealers I cover. My girlfriend is two years younger than me, and has a degree in design, but decided to go into sales. I think things are getting more serious, but we have been trying to keep it a secret, for obvious reasons. On the one hand, I have to deal with the heavy hitters in the dealership where she works, and then I have two other competitive dealers I also have to work with, who I imagine would be less than thrilled when they hear about it. We live in a big city, which you'd think would make it simpler, but in big cities gossip spreads like wildfire, and I do not want to jeopardize either one of our jobs. We have fallen in love and decided to move in together. I realize these are the types of issues that people have to deal with when their personal and professional lives collide, but, of course, there are issues unique to a sales environment, which make it a bigger deal than if we worked in a different line of work. I'm concerned that my bosses and the other dealers may think that I will push business leads her way. Of course this is nonsense, I consider myself a professional and would never let my relationship impact my colleagues' income, but you know what sales people are like. We want to do what will be best for everyone, myself included. What should I do?
 

Stephen:

A perfect Valentine's Day question. The truth is that many more people find their true love at work than we would imagine. Which is to say, your story is quite common, in fact. When I worked for Haworth, for example, our showroom manager ultimately married one of the reps and they are still happily married 25 years later. No one in the office knew they were dating, but then one year rumors started to swirl at the company holiday party. It wasn't the usual stuff that tips people off to workplace romances--they weren't flirting or being too touchy, no one saw them making out or leaving a bathroom together (believe me, I've heard stories...)--but instead, they were in the same car and were in a minor accident on the way to the party. When neither of them showed up, it seemed pretty odd, and then the rumors took on a life of their own, like you said gossip spreads like wildfire. They had been dating for a couple of years at that point and their secrecy made something that wasn't such a big deal feel like huge news. You don't want to let it go that far, because sooner or later you'll be found out and then the rumors will fly. Remember, you are both adults and can date whoever you want. It shouldn't impact your job either, of course; and I'm sure you don't let it. So, in order to get ahead of the rumors, subtly start to tell people, starting with each of your bosses. Why let the bosses be the last to know? You don't want them to be surprised to hear it, or for it to seem like you're keeping it from them. Explain that it happened organically, and anyone worth having in your life, including people you work, with will only be happy for you. When real professionals get romantically involved, and the relationship is part of a "sales" organization, some people do get petty. Some may worry, like you described, about whether you are feeding her leads, or giving her a certain discount. It's the nature of what makes people good sales-people: they're competitive, snoopy and, yes, sometimes petty. Enjoy your new-found happiness; act like a pro on the job, and before you know it, no one will be talking about it. Use common sense, and know when to treat this woman as your girlfriend and when to treat her as a client. And know that so long as you love this woman and she loves you, it will all work out.

Happy Valentine's Day,

SV
 

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Stephen Viscusi is a bestselling author, television personality,
and CEO of The Viscusi Group, global executive recruiters located in New York.
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